I’d always wanted to go on a cruise. And so back in April an opportunity came up for me to book a cruise for a really great price. I talked with my husband and we agreed to go for it. I chose the western Caribbean on one of Royal Caribbean’s best ships in the fleet…..the Freedom of the Seas.

We made all of the arrangements and before I knew it, it was time to travel. I swear that I was excited as a little kid on Christmas Eve! I think I annoyed my husband a little, with all of my child-like enthusiasm.

I simply wanted to do something that I’d never done before to celebrate a new decade of my life. And our ocean adventure also included plenty of other things I’d never done and places I’d never been to. I wanted to be 40 and fabulous!!

Traveling on a cruise ship is an interesting experience, to say the least. For the first day, my body had to adjust, so that I could get my sea legs. I never had any problems with sea sickness (thank the good Lord for that!), but I did walk around the entire first night a little like I’d had too much to drink, as a result of the gentle rocking of the ship.

This was the ship we were on. It was HUGE!!

There was so much to do. It’s like a floating city. It was certainly hard to be bored with Broadway style shows, games, a movie theater, karaoke clubs, a multitude of bars and clubs, three pools, jacuzzis, and an entire “main street” at the center of the ship filled with restaurants and shops.

And don’t forget the four fabulous ports of call that we stopped at along the way, which offered all kinds of different adventures, dining and shopping. We stopped in Haiti, Jamaica, Cayman Islands and Cozumel Mexico.

Our first stop was in Labadee, Haiti, a section of the country that is being used as a special port for Royal Caribbean. We had a chance to wander the beach, shop in some of the local shops and talk to some of the people. It was a lovely day and a very beautiful section of Haiti, that is far removed from the difficulties that are being experienced by the rest of the country. The tree covered hills were absolutely beautiful.

A view of Labadee, Haiti from aboard our ship

The next day, was my big day……the big 40. I had made lots of plans for that day. We would be in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. And I wanted to go and see some dolphins up close and personal. So my husband and I made our way to the Dolphin Encounter. We got to be in the water and touch the dolphins. We got sprayed by them, sang with them and played with them. It was a really amazing experience to be with such beautiful creatures. Next we made our way to the exquisite Dunn Rivers Falls. We got to watch others climb up the falls hand in hand. After a full day in the water and sun, I was ready to head back to the ship. Besides, I had planned a special dinner at the specialty gourmet Italian restaurant on board to celebrate my big day.

Let me give you a little background on my husband. My husband is a disabled veteran. He suffers from fibromyalgia, along with several other ailments. He is pretty mobile most of the time. But at times, the pain becomes overwhelming and he either has to walk with a cane, or ends up in bed, until his pain eases.

And unfortunately, after two long days of activity, his body just simply couldn’t handle any more movement. So I found myself with a real dilemna. Here it was my birthday and I had a fabulous birthday dinner planned. But my husband wasn’t going to be able to share dinner with me.

Now, years ago, when I had no self-confidence, I would’ve just stayed in my room, ordered room service, and thrown myself a huge pity party. But this time? Heck no! I put on the lovely dress I’d picked out, put on my sexy high heels, did my hair and makeup and let my husband know that I would be at the restaurant if he needed me. And I made my way up. It was a little strange entering by myself. But I walked up to the maitre’d and let him know that I would be dining alone due to my husband’s illness.

And I spent the next 90 minutes enjoying a fabulous meal. I tried food that I would’ve never tried before, savoring each bite. And I let the staff know that I was celebrating my birthday. They even came and sang to me, with half of the restaurant joining in. It was nice. Of course, it would’ve been better if my husband could have been there to share it with me. But I actually enjoyed myself! I’d done something that I’d never done before. I’d done something that even a year before, I would’ve never even thought I could do. And it wasn’t so bad. As a matter of fact, I actually liked it!

This was the special dessert they gave me at the restaurant

The next challenge that I faced was one that so many fellow chubby chicks face…….having to go in public wearing a bathing suit! Oh the dread…..oh the terror! And on the day after my birthday, after a wonderful time in Georgetown, Grand Cayman, we decided to get in a little pool time.

Actually, I will admit that wearing a bathing suit in public doesn’t bother me one bit. I know, you must be thinking “Is she crazy? People will see me and judge me!!” When you don’t feel comfortable with yourself, it can be daunting to think about doing that.

But I realized something a long time ago, that I tell people to this day. When you are on vacation, the people that you see are strangers. And after your vacation is over, you will never see them again. So who cares what they think? Well, you shouldn’t care what they think. Their opinions of how you look are really unimportant in the grand scheme of life.

Too often we get so worried about what other people think about us and how we look, that we miss out on a lot of fun and exciting experiences.

And I think if you really begin looking around, you will start to see that you are not the only plus sized person there. I can’t tell you how many overweight men I saw wearing Speedos at the pool and how many large and lovely women were lounging in the sun. Don’t let your fear of others opinions keep you from experiencing life! They aren’t worth it!!

Once we got to Cozumel, I was ready to do some snorkeling. Now, I’ve never snorkelled before (unless you count snorkeling in my childhood above ground pool). I was ready for anything! It was beautiful to see the life that is going on below the water. The brightly colored fish and coral. The stingrays. It was amazing.

The following day we enjoyed a leisurely sail back to Florida.

So, what were the lessons that I learned in the middle of the ocean? The first was to try something that was out of my comfort zone. Going to dinner by myself wasn’t something that I would’ve thought to try before. But it was thrust upon me and I faced the challenge. And I had a great time!

The second was to stop worrying about what other people thought about me. Truly, there opinion really doesn’t matter. It’s what you think about yourself that is important.

The third thing I learned is that it is important to follow your dreams. I’d always dreamt of going on a cruise. So I made the decision to do just that. I could’ve said, “No, maybe I’ll go next year.” Wrong answer!! It was such a fabulous experience for me and I learned so much about myself and about others throughout the world.

I spent a lot of time relaxing on a lounge chair on the deck, talking to complete strangers. I met a lot of wonderful people from so many different places. It was an experience that I’ll never forget.

And the final lesson I learned is that being forty can truly be fabulous! So bring it on!!

Happy dreaming!

Sept 26 weight: 216

I was afraid that I would gain an extraordinary amount of weight while on the cruise. You know what they say about having a lot of food available 24 hours a day. Well, they are right. So I did weight myself a couple of days after returning from my cruise and was plesantly surprised.

October 6 weight: 217

ONLY 1 Pound!!! Woo hoo. Can’t wait to see how this month shapes up!!

Current weight: 22o lbs

There is a very strong common thread that I heard in the stories that were told on these two shows. Most contestants firmly believed that it was their excess weight that prevented them from having success in certain areas of their lives. For the singles, it was finding love. For others, it meant not being able to have their dream job. Others still feel that the weight was to blame for their unhappiness and for all of the failure that they’ve experienced in life.

You know, I identified with these people a lot. I’ve felt exactly the same way. I remember lots of nights crying myself to sleep because I felt that no one would ever be able to love me because of my size. I remember the days of frustration, trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, but not really knowing who I was. I remember the times of putting myself down. I certainly didn’t believe in myself. I just felt bad about who I was. And I believed that it was all because I was overweight.

I spent a good part of my teens and twenties feeling like such a loser. Of course, I hid is very well. I hid it behind a mask of being a strong woman. But my insides were always like jello. I was always trying to be perfect. I guess it was about making up for the fact that I was 260 pounds. And the worse I felt, the more I ate. The more I ate, the larger I became. The larger I became, the more anxiety I experienced.

What I didn’t know then, that I know now is that my weight wasn’t the real issue keeping me from finding love or experience success.  It was my extreme lack of self confidence that was keeping love away. It was a complete lack of belief in myself and the gift and talents that I have that prevented me from experience success.

Once I recongized that, I was able to begin changing my way of thinking about myself. I began to recongize my value. And I learned to appreciate how much I really do have to offer to the world, even at 260 pounds. The most important thing I learned was how to love myself. I had been so tied up in being perfect, that because I wasn’t I never felt good enough. But it was through realizing that there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has their flaws. And that it’s okay that I’m not perfect.

Because I loved myself, I was comfortable not being in a relationship. I did not need another person to validate who I am. And an amazing thing happened. As my confidence grew, members of the opposite sex really started noticing. It’s not about how overweight you are. When you are confident and sure of yourself, members of the opposite sex will be drawn to you.

The same thing is true with success. If you are constantly doubting yourself, and have a lack of belief in your abilities and talents, it’s going to be much harder to find success. At some level, you may not believe that you deserve success. That is simply a lie that we tell ourselves. It’s almost as if we are afraid of success because if we become successful, then we will be more visible. And often time, those who are overweight are subconsciously trying to be invisible.

I look forward to sharing more with you about my journey to find my confidence. And how I really learned to love myself. And there is hope for those who believe that you can’t find love when you are overweight. The next time you are out in public, take a really good look around. Begin noticing the other couples around you. I think you’ll be surprized to see that there are a lot of plus sized men and women who have found love.

I did, but not until I had learned to love myself. I met my husband three years ago. He loves the fact that I’m not a size 2 because he loves my curves. A lot of men do. He thinks I’m beautiful, just the way I am.

Here’s to your journey to loving yourself!

CALORIE COUNTERS

There are a couple that I’ve tried that I really like, and the best part is that both are free. Won’t cost you a cent to sign up and get started.

My favorite site right now is the site Sparkpeople.com. I’ve been a member there for just over a month, and really like the way the site is set up and all of the options that are provided.  You can track calories and exercise, it will customize an eating plan for you according to how much weight you’d like to lose and in what time frame. If you’d rather follow your own plan, you can do that too. The same is true for the exercise tracking. You can have the site put together a workout routine for you, or follow your own exercise plan. The choice is yours. You will also have your own profile, known as your Spark page. There is a very extensive community, with lots of different groups that you can join based on your needs or interests. There is also an extensive forum. They even have a section of the forum known as the “panic button”. This section is for the times when you are facing temptation or need some encouragement. Someone will respond to this thread very quickly. There are health articles that you can read on motivation, eating well, exercise and more. They even have their own recipe site Sparkrecipes.com where you can find recipes and post your own. You can even collect the recipes you like and create your own cookbook. It is the most comprehensive site that I’ve ever come across. People who don’t have weight to lose, but who want to live healthier lives can also sign up. They also have a site specifically for pregnant women and teens too. And it’s 100% free!! You can join by clicking the button below.

Join the Web’s Only Nutrition & Fitness Program Just For Teens! Diet

The other site I recommend is:

The Daily Plate is a site where you can define your calorie goals,  and track your calories and your exercise. There is a great community where you can get involved with different groups which are organized by different goals or interests. There is also a forum, where you can post questions, or get information. The Daily Plate doesn’t promote any specific diet plan, but gives information on several of the most popular diets. There are also health and weight loss related articles that you can read. It’s a pretty comprehensive site, and I really enjoyed using it. The Daily Plate is now a part of Livestrong.com, which is Lance Armstrong’s site promoting health and wellness. You can sign up by clicking the button below.

Try one of these for a good start on your accountability. They have helped me to become much more aware of exactly how much I was eating and to get a handle on portion control. Find out which one will work best for you. And enjoy this part of your journey!

One of the things that I’ve noticed in the individual interviews with many of these ladies, is how many of them proclaim in tears that their weight has been the single factor in preventing them from finding love. I have to admit that I spent years of my life thinking the exact same thing. And it’s a very hopeless feeling. To feel ashamed and unlovable is not a pretty place to be in your life. I’ve spent many a Saturday night crying because I felt as if the entire single world was out dating, except for me.

And since we are bombarded by media images of beautiful, very thin models, we’ve come to believe the myth that all men are attracted only to women who look like what we see on TV, in the movies and on the pages of the magazines.

But it’s simply not true. Yes, there are a lot of men who want a size 2 beauty on their arm. But there are also a lot of guys who prefer larger women with lots of curves. Good, decent guys. I didn’t realize that until I was around 30. I thought that a guy couldn’t be attracted to me because I was a size 22. And for all of my “dating” life, I had never been below a size 16.

When I finally woke up from my misplaced perceptions, I realized that what was really keeping the guys away was my lack of confidence in who I was as a person. And I began working on my confidence issues. I had to learn that I was much more valuable then I ever believed and I truly learned how to love myself. I was just using my weight as an excuse to keep the guys away because as much as I wanted to be a part of the dating world, the fear of dating was even greater for me than the fear of being alone. I was terrified of being judged by a guy, because I was so horribly judging myself on a regular basis. I just knew that one day, a guy I was really attracted to was going to confirm my belief of what a disgusting monster I was. That thought was terrifying, so on an unconscious level, I was keeping the guys away. It kept the rejection at bay.

I also had to learn, that I could not expect a relationship or a man to validate who I am. Only I can do that by believing in myself. By accepting myself, flaws and all. Faulty perceptions about yourself can be very dangerous, because they put you in a position of desperation. And when you are desperate, you will settle for any guy that comes along, whether he’s truly compatible with you or not. You simply don’t believe that you can do any better, or that you deserve better. That’s how so many women (and men) end up in abusive relationships. You truly don’t believe that you can do any better.

I realize now, as I look back on my life, that there were a lot of guys who actually were interested in me. I just couldn’t see their interest through the fog of my faulty perceptions. Because I kept thinking “No one could possibly like me because of how I look”, I missed out on a lot of opportunities.

I am now happily married to a guy who absolutely LOVES my size 20 body. But even more importantly than that, he truly loves me for me. He loves my intelligence, he loves my creativity, he loves that I am confident in myself. I did not meet my husband until I was 36 years old. I did do quite a bit of dating in my 30th. I found that once I truly began believing in myself and the wonderful things I had to offer, a lot more guys began looking my way. Confidence is much more of a turn on than poor self esteem. I dated some good guys, and some guys that were definitely not right for me. And finally I found a guy that was right for me. I didn’t settle on the first guy that came along. I accepted the one who was right. And had I not found my Mr. Right? I would’ve been happy to live by myself, because I really learned to enjoy my own company. I didn’t need him to validate who I am as a person. He’s the icing on the cake.

Being a size 14 or a size 26 is not an automatic guarantee that you’ll remain single. The subconscious mind is an amazing thing. What you tell yourself will become part of your reality. If you continue telling yourself that you are unlovable or that you don’t deserve to be loved, that will ultimately be what keeps cupid from knocking on your door. Begin changing your internal dialogue. Get rid of the negative about yourself and begin to reinforce the positive things about you. As you do, your confidence will begin to grow. As your confidence grows, members of the opposite sex will begin to notice!

You deserve to be loved. But mostly, you deserve to love yourself.

It is easy to sit back and to pretend that we haven’t allowed ourselves to get to the weight we are at. We avoid the scale and live in denial, but are shocked when we do step on the scale. We can continue to live in denial, or we can choose to take back the power in our lives. Food only controls us, because we allow it to. We are in charge of our own destiny. Take back your power. You deserve it and are worth it!!

Kathy

Today I’m going to talk about what I’m eating these days. Let me just say that I’ve tried so many different diet plans out there. I’ve done everything from Weight Watchers, low fat, low carb, South Beach and many more. These plans didn’t work for me. Actually, I had the most success with Weight Watchers, but since I didn’t have the tools to retrain my brain, it was hard for me to succeed in the long term.

What I’m doing these days is something completely different, but very simple. I’m currently following, not a diet, but what I consider a lifestyle change. I’m using purposeful eating. Purposeful eating? What’s that? What foods can you eat? What’s off limits?

Purposeful eating is a very simple concept with just a few steps to follow.
1. You can eat what you really want to eat. That’s right. There are no “forbidden” foods. Nothing is off limits. As long as you really want it. Have you ever had a strong craving for something, but ate something else because you thought you should? I’ll bet that your meal was less than satisfying wasn’t it? Often we will crave foods that contain nutrients that our bodies need. And when we really listen to our bodies, they know what is best. Now, does this give us carte blanche to eat with abandon? No, there are a couple of other rules that we must follow in order to eat exactly what we really want, while still being able to lose weight.
2. Eat only when you are truly hungry. When your tummy is growling and your body is calling for more fuel. Well, there are many people who are so used to eating without experiencing hunger, that they don’t even know what it feels like to be hungry. Well, it’s time to start listening to our bodies. We’ve ignored them for way too long.

If you haven’t experienced hunger before, it feels like a gnawing, burning feeling below your sternum or breastbone. You may also hear your stomach gurgle. It is not a comfortable feeling, but it’s not meant to be a comfortable feeling. It is your body’s signal that it is in need of food for energy. Too often we give in to “head hunger”. That’s when you eat when not hungry. And it can happen for a variety of reasons such as coping with stress or even boredom. So if you are hungry, eat. If you are not truly hungry, then wait until your body sends you the signal that it’s time for more. Also, eat what you really want to eat. You will not be satisfied, if you don’t.

3. Eat your food purposefully. Okay, how do you eat purposefully? This is where you learn to really savor and enjoy your food. First, you must be free of the normal distractions. Turn off the TV, shut off the computer, close your book or magazine. You must be free of distractions so that you can fully focus on the food and your body. How many times have you sat in front of the TV with your junk food of choice, mindlessly stuffing bites into your mouth? When you do this, you don’t really even taste the food you are eating. It’s almost as if you are in a trance. I know, I used to do this every night. And I ended up weighing 260 pounds because of it.

Now, when you are going to eat a meal, allow yourself to be fully present at the meal. Take smaller bites and really chew them well. Really taste the food. Enjoy it fully. You will notice flavors and textures that you’ve never really paid attention to before. I’ve actually noticed that there are some foods that I had eaten in abundance before that now that I really don’t like. They are flavorless. And I’m finding other foods that I didn’t really eat before that I really like, because I’m actually tasting them. And I love to close my eyes with each bite. For some reason, I can taste the foods even more richly with my eyes closed.

4. Stop when you are satisfied. Okay, that means no more stuffed feeling. You know the kind of stuffed feeling you get after Thanksgiving dinner where you need to undo your pants and you feel like taking a nap. That’s gone. Now, you will listen to your body’s signals again. When you are satisfied, it is a very comfortable feeling. Your body will begin registering the food you have eaten about 20 minutes after you begin eating. Since you will be eating more slowly and really enjoying your food, it will require much less food until you feel comfortably satisfied.

From my own personal experience with purposeful eating, I’ve noticed that I’m craving much different things than before. I’m enjoying eating much more. I’m also eating more often throughout the day. I eat 4-6 smaller meals now, instead of the two large meals I was eating before. I have far more energy too. It’s much easier for me to listen to my body’s signals. I’m still able to eat McDonald’s, but I don’t crave it very often. It’s been very liberating for me. If I’m craving something, I eat it. I no longer have the feelings of deprivation that I experienced when I tried different diets before. I don’t have to worry about “falling off of the wagon” when it comes to special events or vacations. I’ve actually logged in the calories for what I was eating, and found that I was actually within a reasonable calorie range that’s healthy for weight loss.

Weight: 232